Creative Writing - Lesson 2

We were asked to create a character together with the people in our group and then write a diary entry of this character. My group and me chose to create a female bully, a little bit snob, that likes high fashion clothes, that thinks she is the most important woman in the world etc.

This is what I've written.

DIARY ENTRY OF A FEMALE BULLY.

Monday, 25th of April, 2016.

I'm quite fed up of working in this office. Literally. Believe me.
How can an elegant person like me be surrounded by these poorly-dressed people? I mean, they can't even match the colour of their shirt with the one of their skirt or trousers!
Let's speak about Richard, for example! This morning he was so brave to dare coming to work wearing a brown suit and a purple shirt! Oh, come on! Doesn't he have a wife or a girlfriend that can give him suggestions about fashion?
I glared at him when I saw him! I hope he understood what was wrong! It took me ages to find a shade or red for my skirt that could match my light pink silk shirt and this morning no one even looked at me or complimented me when I walked through the door!
They were too busy talking about their families, children and boring weekends as usual. No one seems interested in building up a good career, they are so children-centred!
Anyway, how can they progress in their career, some of them are not really clever people. Sometimes I wonder how they can be able to use a computer!

An Old Wise Chair

AN OLD WISE CHAIR

Chapter 1

By looking at me, you could easily think I am a sort of a useless wreck. Maybe I could agree with you from a mere aesthetic point of view.

I mean, if you have a glance at me, the first thought that comes to your mind is “oh gosh, that chair is really old! I wouldn’t even sit on it, it doesn’t look safe at all!”. To be honest, that would offend me a bit. I know I lost my colour and the wood is getting scratched, but what does it mean I’m “not safe”?

I’m still strong and I can still sustain heavy weights, you know? Maybe if you’re worried, you should get fit, so you would also help me get less tired while you’re sitting on me! By looking at you, I would say there’s some extra fat around your abdomen and if I were you, I’d blame myself and not the chair if it breaks under your non-feather-weight!

Never mind, I’m used to this kind of discrimination. I’d not say I’m old, but wise.

Would you trust me if I say that I’ve heard a lot of different stories and seen a huge number of different things during these years at the farm?

Maybe not, because you think I’m not a living object, don’t you? Well, ok, you’re wrong. I’ll forgive you anyway. Ah, my name is Rosie and I’m a female chair, so please be kind and well behaved when you use or move me!

I was given this name by the farmer’s oldest daughter, Susan, long time ago, when I was still red. Red like a rose, you know. Just to make sure you understand the meaning of my name! And yes, believe me, long time ago I was painted in a pretty scarlet colour. I lost it, but I’m happy anyway; the wind, the sun and the rain did that to me, but this is the price to pay to enjoy little things in life and I’m satisfied.

Imagine a spring dawn, when the sun appears from behind that hill over there and you start feeling warm again after a chilly night. Think about the sunlight passing through the young leaves of the trees, illuminating the backyard and you can finally see the vivid colours of the flowers and the grass.

Have a look over there at those beautiful tulips! Judith, the farmer’s wife, planted the bulbs a few months ago. Look how the colours match! Beautiful white tulips alternating with vivid orange ones. I’d desire to be moved there from time to time, to observe more closely their dance during breezy days. You should be here when they perform their elegant ball! They are really good dancers, making gentle movements to follow the air flow rhythmically. From right to left and back, all moving in a coordinated way! I want to ask them which tulip thinks about the choreography, because it’s always a pleasure to observe them moving in such a pretty way.

Creative writing course - Lesson 1

Today I started a course on "creative writing" and I enjoyed it a lot! At the beginning I had a huge "writer's block" and I couldn't write a single word!

Quite shocking, isn't it? I was going to give up and not going back next Tuesday, but then the teacher gave us an interesting task, she asked us to describe a bank robbery from the vantage point of a customer lying face down on the floor.

To animate again this blog, I've decided to copy what I've written, pardon me if my English is not perfect, it's still my second language :)

Ok, James, let's recap a bit what's going on in here, because I'm a bit confused!

What are these people doing? I see a lot of people around me and they're all lying on the floor, are they sleeping?

On the floor?

Wait the minute, why am I cold? Oh...now I understand why...I'm lying on the floor, too!

Oh, yes! Now I remember! Someone is trying to robber the bank!

I have to say, this floor is cold and a little bit uncomfortable for my poor back, but at least it looks clean!

I bet the cleaner moped it this morning, I can't see any dust on it, and it looks so germs-free!

Oh lovely!

And looks at the tiles! They're really nice, big dark grey tiles, shining when hit by the sunlight coming from the outside...

Oh, look! There's a sunray that is making its way through the blinds of the third window on the left!

Ah, God knows how much I would like to be lying on that small piece of floor illuminated by the sun now. It should be quite a comfy and warm spot that one!

But that man wearing those horrible pink trousers is occupying that tile with his chubby body!

And I can't move...

The robbers ordered us to stay down or they would have shot! Pretty scary though...

To be honest, I'm getting bored and my limbs are getting numbs, I can't even change position and now my right ankle itches, gosh! When are they going to be done?

Where did they go? I can't see them in the room anymore...probably they're torturing the bank director downstairs in the attempt of convincing him to open the safe and not to call the police.

Let's have a look around...that woman there is wearing a tracksuit, maybe she had planned to go running after doing her stuff here.

Look at her trousers! I should buy my wife a similar pair of running trousers for her birthday, lovely orange floral pattern, going from the lap to the knee. Then the flowers become orange butterflies that fly around the calf.

Oh, I think Julie would appreciate those as a present! Unfortunately that lady is too far from me, otherwise I would have asked her the name of the shop where she bought them!

Gosh, I don't have everyone close to me, who I can have a talk with!

Oh but look at her t-shirt! It's orange like the flowers and the butterflies, but there's a blue heart on it.

I believe she's a romantic woman, you wouldn't wear something with a heart on it if you weren't a romantic person! It would be a too cheesy piece of clothing!

Oh, look at that man over there! Really elegant blue suit, I think he's got a management role at work, maybe he's the CEO of some important company. Now, he's in the same situation as me, a poor employee of a toys factory. Probably he earns three times my salary!

Why the bloody robbers didn't go straight to visit his house, instead of annoying us all!

I mean, I was supposed to go back to work after my bank duties, I didn't have lunch! I used my lunch break to come here and now...look at me!

Blocked on a floor...at least it's clean...

I'm starving! I hope the police are coming here with some nice sandwiches, too. We deserve some treat, after all of this! Yes, we definitely deserve it!

I should not think about food now, otherwise my stomach would start making weird noises, but it's better not to make any noise in such a situation!

Let's go back to the rich manager/CEO/whatever he is...I'd like to have a suit like that and the shirt is classy, too! Nice light grey colour, that fits perfectly with the dark blue of the jacket and trousers.

I can't really see the tie, because his body is hiding tit, but if I were him, I would put on a light blue tie to match the rest. Maybe with some elegant and fine pattern on it, like small flowers or thin stripes.

I'm trying to figure out what all of these people had planned for the afternoon...for example, me, what have I planned to do this afternoon?

Let me se...What time is it?

It's 3 pm! I have to take Sam to the swimming lesson! Julie will kill me if I don't do it!

Well...If I'm not killed by these two silly guys in black balaclavas ransacking the bank.

EC

Impressioni

Profumo di pioggia e popcorn entra dalla finestra,

pervade la cucina mentre sto lavando i piatti

e rende questo grigio sabato mattina

un po' più dolce.

Cose che ti faranno capire che abiti da tanto in Inghilterra.

Mi sa che è abbastanza venuto il tempo di scrivere qualcos'altro su questo blog! L'ultimo post l'ho scritto a novembre 2014, non che io sia appassionata di scrittura, anzi, mi riesce pure malino, però dato che ormai ho aperto questa pagina, vediamo di curarla un attimino.

Dato che vanno tanto di moda i post del tipo "Settordici cose che ti fanno capire che sei un bischero", tipo i bellissimi articoli che potete trovare su http://oltreuomo.com/ ho pensato bene di stimolare pochissimo la mia fantasia e scrivere un post sulle cose che ti fanno capire che sei abiti in Inghilterra da un po'.

Non so quanto verrà lungo quest'elenco ed anzi, se avete qualcosa da suggerire, scrivetela pure nei commenti!

Principiamo...

1) Rispondere "bene" sempre e comunque, alla domanda "come stai?"
Dovete sapere che quando gli inglesi vi chiedono "How are you?", in realtà di come state gliene importa il giusto, lo fanno solo per essere educati. Quindi non hanno certo voglia di sentire la storia della vostra vita o di quello che avete fatto il giorno prima. Ad "how are you?" si risponde sempre e dico sempre con "fine thanks" o "quite fine thanks", anche se si sta così male che si vorrebbe mettersi a piangere ed andare dallo psicologo.

2) Chiedere scusa per ogni cosa
Dovete sapere che in Inghilterra vi chiedono scusa anche se vi sfiorano appena, chiedono scusa anche se starnutiscono. E voi vi ritroverete a chiedere scusa se starnutite anche quando tornate in Italia.

3) Arrivare puntuali ed essere scocciatissimi se qualcuno è in ritardo
Diciamoci la verità, la caratteristica dell'italiano è di essere sempre in ritardo. L'antitesi dell'inglese proprio, che si irrita (senza farvelo notare troppo) se arrivate tardi ad un appuntamento. Ecco, quando comincerete ad arrivare puntuali o in anticipo agli appuntamenti ed a sentirvi caccolette se per caso siete un minuto di ritardo, lì sarete un passo avanti nella inglesizzazione.

4) Bere il tè col latte
Se arrivate a questo punto (ed io ci sono già da un bel po'), siete persi. Il tè è bevibile SOLO col latte ed assolutamente no con il limone. Il problema è che poi inizierete a prendere il tè col latte anche in Italia, con la gente intorno che giustamente vi guarderà storto. Se poi lo prendete anche senza zucchero, siete giunti al livello PRO.

5) Non saper più parlare in italiano
Questo è ovviamente un classico e la "patologia" può iniziare anche dopo pochi mesi che abitate nel Regno Unito, il tutto dipende da quanto tempo passate a parlare inglese vs il tempo in cui avete l'occasione di parlare italiano. I problemi più frequenti sono il chiedere permesso/scusa in inglese ed il non riuscire più a coniugare i verbi correttamente, risultando impediti nel parlare.

6) Abbracciare il bidet ogni qualvolta si torna in patria
Ecco, magari abbracciare no, però il fatto di non avere il bidet nei bagni inglesi è un bel problema e tocca usare la doccia come surrogato del bidet. Cosa spesso scomoda. Vi giuro che ho visto qualche bidet in vendita, quindi forse fra qualche decennio capiranno il vero utilizzo e che non è un contenitore per tenere in fresco le birre:

Ehm, no, lo scopo primario del bidet non è propriamente questo...

7) Distinguere fra "inglesi" ed "europei"
Per prendere questa abitudine ci vuole un po' e bisogna essere circondati soprattutto da inglesi. Se ci fate caso, noterete che tutta la gente al di là della manica sono definiti "europei", mentre loro sono inglesi. Quando in realtà anche loro sono europei, ma vabbè!

8) Aggiungere "x" o "xxx" in fondo ai messaggi, per mandare baci
X in fondo ad un messaggio vuol dire "bacio/baci" in inglese, mentre in italiano non ha alcun senso. Quindi vi ritroverete a non essere compresi dai vostri amici rimasti su suolo italico.

9) Parlare in maniera quasi ossessiva del tempo
Va detto, gli inglesi adorano parlare delle previsioni del tempo. Sarà perché qui il tempo è estremamente variabile, ma in tv durante la giornata le previsioni passeranno almeno 20 volte al giorno. Quando poi c'è qualche evento sportivo, ci saranno anche le previsioni specifiche per il luogo che ospita l'evento! In realtà basterebbe  uscire sempre armati di impermeabilino. :-)

To be continued...stay tuned...

Non scrivo mai, ma nel frattempo...

Mi diverto un sacco con la pagina facebook che ho creato:
Tradurre in inglese i modi di dire italiani

In pratica faccio le immagini (o "meme" che dir si voglia), dei modi di dire e proverbi italiani, tradotti in inglese!

Alcuni non hanno senso tradotti, ad un anglofono non dicono una beneamata mazza, infatti cerco, se riesco, di metterci una spiegazione in inglese, tante volte qualche madrelingua passasse dalla pagina. Questo sia per evitare che ci prenda per pazzi, sia per dare un briciolo di serietà alla cosa, in modo che sia pure utile.

Un assaggio:

Entrambi i modi di dire, "Le acque chete rovinano i ponti" e "Non dire gatto se non ce l'hai nel sacco", non esistono in inglese ed infatti non dovete usarli se parlate con un madrelingua, altrimenti vi guarderà in modo strano.

Nonostante si sappia bene ciò, noi italiani emigrati in terra d'Albione (come direbbe il mio amico Steve, che si lamenta pure del fatto che io non scriva mai su questo blog, quindi nel frattempo potete leggere il suo) ci divertiamo, forse senza pensarsi a volte, a tradurre in nostri modi di dire ed usarli nelle conversazioni coi nostri colleghi.

Ad esempio, io ho detto ad una mia collega, "smetti di farti seghe mentali", traducendolo letteralmente, al ché lei mi ha risposto che "le facevo paura" perché non capiva che volevo dire. Da questo episodio, mi è balenata l'idea di creare una pagina, che fra l'altro negli ultimi giorni è arrivata già a 472 "mi piace", non avrei mai creduto potesse riscuotere un certo successo.

Grazie mille a chi mi segue!

Trust yourself! If it would be easy...

How difficult is to trust yourself, your ideas, to think that you are good and you are doing things in the right way?

It's almost impossible for me, that I always fluctuate between a depression and an anger state
I don't now what to do, I'm really able to tell friends that they have to trust their capabilities, they have to do their best every day and, at the end of the day, analyse what they've done and just be realistic and not pessimistic. Maybe sometime say to yourself "well done chap".

As usual, I'm good at giving suggestion to others, but not to myself. I've got a huge lack of self-confidence- Sometimes I feel I have no idea what to do and I would like to give up, give up with my PhD and go back home.

I should wear a t-shirt like this: https://fabrily.com/MyselfAwareness